i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
