ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
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My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
as a side note pls kill me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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