Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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