just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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