do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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