forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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