Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
