Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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