grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
