At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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