i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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