You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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