Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
