I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
