Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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