non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
