I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
