Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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