and you said cock pushups were impossible
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize