im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
