you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
