so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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