Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Randomize
