Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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