Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
