found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
