i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
