just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
