how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
