We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
