Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
