dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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