please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
