i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
