Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
