I think I won the penis lottery.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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