the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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