onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
