my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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