I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
