Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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