Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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