Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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