the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
