You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
