you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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