I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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