This dress was meant to end up on your floor
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
