he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
