i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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