Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
