If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize