Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
