In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize