you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
