i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
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There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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