i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize